About a month ago I had what’s commonly called a “drinking dream.” They’re not uncommon in recovery, but I was freaked the hell out. In my dream, my great friend, we’ll call her Kerry, was on the phone. Kerry remarked that I sounded down, and suggested I have a glass of wine. I told her I was ok and that I didn’t drink anymore. Kerry proceeded to get very vocal about how I was worn down and needed some girlfriend time and that she’d be over with a bottle of wine or two. In my dream, I called my husband at work and cried at him, “Kerry’s coming over and she’s going TO MAKE ME DRINK WINE!!!”
For about two hours after waking from that dream I felt jittery and upset, and I kept running through ways to explain to Kerry that I couldn’t have any wine.
Sometimes drinking dreams are good memories and we can wake up with the taste of a drink in our mouths, or the longing for one in our heads. It’s frustrating after a day where maybe we feel completely on top of this recovery shit. To fall asleep and dream that you’re doing the ONE THING you’re working so hard not to do!
Naturally, we should give ourselves a break when it comes to dreams. We don’t have a lot of control over them unless we’re avid and accomplished lucid dreamers. Dreams tend to help us work out what we’re stressed about, or are afraid will happen, or even just what we’re happily anticipating.
Imagine my surprise when I woke up early this morning and had a very complete and lucid memory of a dream I’d just had…about RICO law and the composition of the Supreme Court…in the 1980’s. In my dream I had all the Justices memorized, and was concerned about who was going to take over for Rehnquist.
I mean, REALLY? Information I had NO idea I had stored in my brain at all. It’s kind of fascinating and makes me wonder what else is hidden in there. Seriously, RICO laws?
The Spouse Extraordinaire is out of town, as I mentioned before. For some reason in the last few days the idea of the taste of a drink or the memory of one has kept popping up. I know I don’t *want* to drink, so I’m dissecting those thoughts constantly. I’ve come up with two main things my memory wants from alcohol:
- Relaxation. There’s no denying a drink can really help loosen those knots and give that sense of “aaah.” Right up until the whole bottle is gone and you’re trying to justify going to the store for more.
- Taste. I really do like beer and wine. The taste, I mean. And my favorite drink was citrus vodka with lemonade.
So I had to come up with ways to achieve relaxation and a good-tasting drink without alcohol.
Enter meditation, painted full of alternatives! I can use it to relax in the hammock, to ride the stationary bike at the gym, to put myself in the mood for better sleep, to slough off a ratty attitude…the list is long and varied. Relaxation alternative achieved!
For taste, the world is full of ideas. Bubble tea, diet soda, cold water (my favorite, no lie), root beer, milk, chocolate milk, chai tea, peppermint tea (I planted peppermint and it’s huge!), Gatorade, orange soda, pomegranate juice, lemonade (no vodka necessary), peanut butter and banana smoothies, and on and on.
So I took apart the urge and found solutions that don’t involve booze. That feels like a win. I may still have thoughts of drinking…may have cravings, but I have ideas for how to NOT fall prey to them.
Today was another beautiful summer day in Alaska, although it was abysmally hot for here. I found ways to plant some more…stick lettuce seeds in between all the other plantings. 😉 They grow fast up here. Little One and I put lettuce seeds in the flower pots, between the broccoli, around the cucumbers and the zucchini…should be fun to watch them come up! And tasty!
Another day in the garden and then the swimming pool. I have to admit having taken the day off in regards to cooking. I had appointments at 4 and 5, so the kids were left to their own devices for lunch and we swam through dinner time, so dinner was late and leftovers. Fruit devoured, and the kids’ general love for yogurt and homemade strawberry cheesecake-ish popsicle things—Ooh! I did provide something homemade today! I love days like this!
Happy Beginning of the Weekend, everyone, and keep kicking addiction’s ass!