Gratitude on a Good Day

gratitudeindex
do we see the living green or the dry brown?

Gratitude is awesome.  It can reset your entire being like nothing else.  You don’t need a partner,  or a bottle, or anything, really.  I’m an humanist/atheist/freethinker, so I am grateful without a god, too.  But you can be grateful with god.  I don’t mind.  Just no bottles, ok?  Unless it’s bottles of water.  Or OJ.

A journal can be helpful, but is definitely not necessary.

Right now I’m grateful for:  Diet soda.  Pajamas.  Netflix.  My family.  Modern medicine.  Telephones.  Earbuds.  Conditioner. Rainstorms.  Coloring books.

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I made this for Father’s Day 2 days ago. It’s all gone now.

That’s 10 things just quickly off the top of my head, because today has been busy and crazy in a *good* way.  My eldest son turned 16 today.  We chilled.  We swam at the gym.  We libraried.  We had ice cream and chocolate silk pie, pulled pork *and* steak and potatoes and salads and homemade rolls because if we’re heating the house up with all this cooking, I want leftovers so I don’t have to do it tomorrow, too.

He got everything he asked for for his birthday.     He got to talk to his older sisters, his nieces and nephew, his living grandparents, and his uncle.  He spent the day with his younger siblings, and me, the mom, and his evening with his dad, too.  (They are vegging out at the other end of the kitchen table, watching old Burn Notice together–Little One is on the pantry floor watching Thomas the Tank Engine.)

I have room for gratitude in my life because I am not busy regretting or being angry about my sobriety.  I have room for my sobriety because I am busy being grateful.  It’s all a wonderful circle of goofy happiness.

I had some serious thoughts about sneaking last night.  About how I *could* if I wanted to.  Those thoughts are probably going to be around for years.  Until my sober years match my drinking years in number, nothing should surprise me.  I can love my sobriety and still be blindsided by random urges that my sober mind would never want to act upon.  (Pardon my dangling participles.)

So…what to do with those sneaking thoughts?  How do I maintain my desire to stay sober if my own brain is trying to trip me up?

I journal.  I read sobriety blogs.  I inhale sober memoirs.  I read and reread the uplifting parts of everything on which I can get my hot little hands.  I write here. I meditate and try to pick apart those drinking thoughts.  I don’t think I’d be handling this half as well as I am if I couldn’t meditate.  So on that note, I have to give a shout-out to two apps that I really love for beginners:  Headspace (LOVE IT) and Insight Timer.  If you don’t think you can meditate or have never tried it or think it won’t help or if it doesn’t make sense to you, please try Headspace.  10 days, 10 tries, with a little video help.  Meditation has also helped my anxiety and panic issues a great deal.  That’s such a huge plus.

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Please don’t do this.

It’s amazing, the connection technology has given us.  I am grateful today for the ability to learn from and be inspired by the folks out there who have come before me, and after me, and alongside me in this recovery journey.  That inspiration is enough to keep me making it to midnight one more time.  And one more time is as far in the future as I should be thinking.  Because telescoping out and trying to visualize next week or next year is asking for failure.  Today is enough.  I can do this today.

Thank you, every single one of you that reads, or comments, or emails, or likes these posts.  It all helps so very much.

Keep kicking addiction’s ass!

 

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14 thoughts on “Gratitude on a Good Day

  1. It sounds like you had a lovely family birthday feast there! I subscribed to headspace last night, although I’ve meditated in one form or another for over 20 years I really like his voice and teaching style and figured a refresher course would be a good thing. It’s a great recommendation, thanks for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is really beautiful –
    I particularly love the bit about not having a partner or God. I am very happy that I don’ t have a partner during this early sober journey as I would have been with a drinker for sure. I though anyone who didn’t drink was a boring fuddy duddy so this trip would have been so hard. Marriages are so publically celebrated on TV in life, it seems a measure of success and consequently it can and has felt like a failure that mine didn’t work. It is so silly because sometimes there are good reasons and bravery for leaving a bad relationship – but it is not celebrated. I have been enjoying dealing with this whole issue since being sober – it was part of the drinking reason for me.

    God – that is tough. I grew up in Malaysia and learnt about Buddhism, Hinduism & the Islamic faith as well as Christianity when I returned home to NZ. It seems impossible not to believe they are all right or nothing so I guess I am agnostic in that sense. God is thanked a lot in cyber space and I just don’t have a connection with Jesus or God for that matter.

    I feel a little less lonely after reading this so thanks so much
    Michelle xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww, thank you!

      FWIW, the “his dad” reference was about my husband, who came home in the evening. I agree it wasn’t very clear!

      I find nonreligiousness to be a VERY important part of my life; the same way some folks find religion is an important part of theirs.

      xo
      Penelope

      Liked by 1 person

  3. For those thoughts that come, I regularly pray/ask for ten seconds of sanity before I do something stupid. That can work for you too, as a free thinker too. You simply have to remember that when you have those stupid thoughts, to look at those thoughts sanely (i.e. think them through).

    Good luck and enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

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