I love that little button at the top of the page that says, “Write.” Such a gentle little prod. “Click me if you need to. Or don’t. I’ll be here.”
The thing is, I love, love, love to write. I keep a journal and a gratitude journal and I used to keep one baby book and one journal for each kid.
But on here, on the internet which will last forever and ever, amen, I have to be careful pushing that “publish” button. So I removed one post because it came too close to my family. (And because I had a zillion more things to say on that topic and am not ready to write them.)
My little blog is still in a dusty, unused corner of the internet. In its infancy, it is easy to miss and therefore I don’t get a lot of views or comments. And that’s ok. I’m new here. 🙂
But I got a comment the other day about AA, and the author was rather ticked about the way I incorporate AA in my life. So, here we go:
Rather than rewrite the brilliance that is Jon Sleeper’s blog post about getting sober without AA, I’m just linking it. There are dozens of ideas and resources there. I hope it’s ok to do that.
My take on AA has already been spelled out in other posts, but I’ll reiterate and maybe expound on it here:
AA is a great system for folks who want to spend time with other people struggling with the same issues. It offers camaraderie, some wisdom, and a chance to be of service by making coffee or cleaning up or whatever. It has a buddy system in the form of sponsors and sponsorees. That’s all great.
AA is not magic. It’s not the obvious answer to alcohol use disorders. It’s one way. There are tons of other ways, and whatever keeps us sober is what we need.
For me, my sobriety hinges on radical honesty with a few close friends (two of whom are AA atheist, just like me, and don’t “work a program,” just like me). I do show up for AA twice a week and am secretary/chair for one of those meetings. As I said, I enjoy the camaraderie, the common problem, the discussions, and the ideas. My AAA group is very different from “normal” AA, and that suits all of us who attend it. A common language of recovery is important while we learn to live life sober.
I have a toolbox full of things like podcasts, sober blogs and websites, Smart Recovery, a wall of recovery and CBT and general wellness books and memoirs. I blog and I journal, I meditate daily (sometimes 3 times a day), and I exercise whenever I can, usually 5 times a week. I am changing my eating habits and keeping better track of my moods and hormonal shifts so that i can be better prepared for surprises in the form of PAWS, HALT and cravings.
The author of the reply, after chastising me for “not working a proper program,” and “being surprised I’m having cravings,” *then* went on to say that cravings are normal and it’s not unheard of to still have them 20 years on. Sigh.
Look, folks. I know I’m different from the folks who leave booze and take up AA. I am ok with that. I have a lot of ways to stay sober, and so far I’m ok. I have cravings and I talk about them. I figure out where the cravings are coming from-what’s triggering them-and sometimes I just have to stare them down.
AA is one way. I’m very happy for the folks who love it. That’s great. It’s just not the be-all, end-all of sobriety.
On another note, I’m feeling pretty good. It rained like it was time for an ark last night, so my gardens are greeeeeeen and growing. I made ginger cookies at 2 a.m. and am making honey-oatmeal bread right now since the sun is hiding. Yum!
I stood on a scale yesterday and my weight hasn’t moved one pound in a month. I guess that’s better than continuing to add to it! Back to the gym and grocery shopping (oh, so much grocery shopping!) this afternoon. Teenage boys should come with an automatic savings account that you have to keep adding to until they’re 13, just for the food they’ll eat in their teen years. I swear my 16yo has grown an inch this month.
I had a horrible, stressful, anxiety-attack-provoking dream this morning about drinking. The only good thing about drinking nightmares is that there is relief (eventually) when we remember they are not real.
I have to find a place to do community service, preferably at night because of the kids. I just can’t afford the whole fine for my DUI because as a stay-at-home mom I don’t have an income. And no, my husband won’t help me with it. I’ve put up a few things for sale but no bites so far. Anyone need a great compound bow with all the stuff? 😉
So I’m off for my day. Have a wonderful 4th, American readers, and a great week, for everyone else. 🙂
Keep kicking addiction’s ass!