So Much Thinking

I painted this for Little One. She likes to help add stickers of fish and birds and things. (This one is watercolor crayon gone over with a brush.  It’s hard to keep the colors separate unless you do them in large swaths.)

I just finished printing out some preschool crafts and fun pages for Little One.  While doing that I came across a page that had on it the words:  Goals for my mind, body and soul.

What a brilliant, simple idea.  Most of us set goals.  Most of the time they’re just temporal necessities:  Pick up milk, go to the eye doctor, get to bed by 3 in the morning.  (Okay, that last one might just be me.)

But setting goals that nurture your mind, body, and soul…that sounds *important.*  It made for an interesting evening for me. I printed the sheet out, and filled mine in.  I think I’m going to make another one with goals for my relationship with my husband,  goals for my housework, and goals for my kids’ educations.  But for right now, the 3 listed are setting me off on some wonderful tangents of thought and possibilities.  And it all ties in with recovery so well.

I spent some time meditating with the Insight Timer app on my phone, to the speeches of a man called Sadhguru, while I was working on some “grown up” coloring pages.  (I know…what a silly but fun thing to do.  It’s actually very centering for me.)

This is what I get up to when everyone is sleeping.

For me, coloring and meditating are helping me fulfill a goal for my soul and my mind.  It helps my body, too, by constantly reinforcing a stress-free habit.  I can remember how I felt during meditation when I’m having a panic attack…sometimes.  That’s still a work in progress.

I still have no idea what a soul is, because I have no religion and no belief in god, so I just sort of file that under, “What’s inside me that’s important.”  Works for me.

Anyway, I set three goals in each category.   The body part includes food and dietary changes along with meditation and excercise…and sleep. The soul part includes time in nature, art, (last night I made window stars and did a huge watercolor before bed), meditation, and journaling.   And of course my mind needs books, blogs, and allll kinds of other stuff.   And my 11 year old daughter has her own page, which she’s filling out for herself, as well.


AAA was good tonight.  The discussion was about the inevitability of death from alcoholism-related complaints if we, as alcoholics, continue to drink.  It was a very somber discussion, as you can imagine. One member said that AA is really a way of finding something else to die of, instead of booze.  That was pretty heavy stuff.  (Remember, this is the atheist/agnostic meeting…death and stuff are usually pretty factually approached.)

As far as cravings and recovery go, I’m at a 9 out of 10 on the “doing good” scale.  The negative point is that stupid random thought that still floats through my  head when I’m driving in to town.  Out of absolutely nowhere it just winds up in my brain: I could buy a bottle and nobody would know ’cause the kids aren’t with me.”  Now, remember, I don’t *want* a bottle.  I don’t even have a craving for a drink like I did 10 days ago.  It’s just a stupid habitual thought that was in my head for so long that it’s not dying an easy death.  I’m working on it, though.  Certainly it’s nothing I’m going to act on.

I listened to a podcast on SinceRightNow that featured Noah Levine.  He’s the author of Refuge Recovery and put together the Refuge Recovery group system.  It was a good podcast, but someone was chewing gum through the whole thing.  I think it was Noah.  Just a little off-putting.  Anyway, I am now trying to decide if Refuge Recovery or Smart Recovery are more my line…I do think our town needs something aside from AA, so I want to pick one and get going.  They’re both great programs.

ack!  I was trying to modify this post to add my silly, simple art and I accidentally updated to an OLD post that wasn’t finished.  Urgh.

So, I think I mentioned last time that I’m doing well and…well, shit.  I can’t believe I did that.  I probably accidentally deleted the Most Important Words on the Internet!

So I’ll replace them with some very, very simplistic 2a.m. art:

This one is obviously just watercolor crayon washed over with a wet brush. 
Regular painted watercolors.
Watercolor crayon on very wet paper.  Not pretty. 
More watercolor crayon…it’s just not my thing. 

Have a great Sunday everyone, and keep kicking addictions’ ass!





16 thoughts on “So Much Thinking

  1. When I see what cool, artsy thing you’re up to, I wish I lived nearby so I could tag along! I would love to color, paint, set goals, etc. I am thinking of having a dream board workshop at my house and just invite a few women over. It’s so empowering.

    On another note — I have been in publishing for most of my career and have an idea for a project we could work on together possibly. (One with no deadlines and no pressure and only creative fun.) Any interest? 😊

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I want to see! I always wondered what it would be like to use those crayons. I have taken a few oil painting classes, but it’s hard to set up and maintain a place to paint. I need something more ‘spur of the moment.’ 😊

        Liked by 2 people

  2. The colouring makes complete sense to me – I’ve been looking at adult colouring books for ages but haven’t tried it yet. I can see how it would be meditative. I actually have used sudoku as a a form of meditation – Just another way to keep redirecting thoughts to the present moment. Love the colouring book idea and I’m getting some today!
    Thanks for another great post 🙌🏻

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have an interesting question about that thought you have about buying the bottle on your way into town.

    What if we can’t help that crazy first thought? What if that first thought is, to your brain, as a dream is? What if it’s the brain’s way of taking the garbage out?

    Here’s the punch line: I don’t take responsibility for the crazy first thought because it has no validity, it’s almost unconscious. What counts is the second thought, the one that enters conscious thought.

    Now, do I mull that thought, contemplate it, or do I pitch it in the garbage where it belongs?

    Just a thought.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I guess you can do whichever makes you feel more confident in your sobriety.
      As I mentioned, it’s a bad habit that started when I was still drinking. So I can trash the thought but still be frustrated that it comes along at all. Or I can identify it, look at it honestly, think, “Oh, that’s a crappy thought. I hope those stop coming soon. I certainly don’t want a drink,” and move on.

      I’m choosing to pick apart even unintentional thoughts like that one because it’s an important part (for me) of being able to be still and feel all the feels without drinking over them.



  4. I love adult coloring books. My mom passed recently and I got to spend her last two weeks with her. I did a lot of coloring, and it was very relaxing and peaceful and meditative. And now my memories of two weeks in the ICU and then hospice have bright colors and beautiful swirls and flourishes interwoven in them. By coloring, you are literally making your road to recovery brighter and more beautiful. Plus, you can entice yourself with new coloring books or pencils or markers for milestone rewards!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so sorry about your mother. *hugs*
      Thank you for the beautiful visual. I love the idea of swirling color leading me to recovery.

      I have been having a lot of fun picking out new books to color. I bought the book rewired just so I could work in the accompanying coloring book! (Okay, not JUST because, but it was a big incentive.)


      Liked by 1 person

  5. Having a creative outlet is so helpful.
    I do need to do something more.
    I used to love painting with my little ones at school.
    Now, I don’t want to have to make a mess and clean it up!
    Keep letting the thoughts pass our of your mind. One of my early strategies was to breathe them away, or blow them away.

    Liked by 1 person

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