Just a quick post.
In the post titled, “The Postcard Thing,” I had a link to drop me an email. I thought for a while that it was just a spectacularly failworthy idea, but it turns out the link hasn’t worked since I set it up.
So, I removed the link in that post and left the email there. It’s postcardsfromrecoveryATgmail.com. Drop me a line so I can send you some homemade postcards to encourage your recovery!
I’ve been listening to old radio shows on the OTR podcast while I color. I listen to Harry Potter while I paint. Makes the time just fly.
I’ve found I’m almost meditative sometimes while doing artsy things late at night. It’s such a nice feeling, so much nicer than being wound up and worried about whether or not I’ll ever get to sleep, or when my next drink is.
I got caught in town without a ride home a few weeks ago. While waiting for a ride, I sat down and put my earbuds in and meditated. I was outside on a bench, and it was *amazing.* I felt like I was in the eye of a tornado, untouched but able to hear everything around me, not needing to see anything, just existing and experiencing in this gorgeous scene without a need to look at anything. I don’t know if I’m describing it well. It was such a feeling of inclusion and yet of listening to the whole world. I hope I get to meditate like that more.
I’m still having crazy drinking nightmares. They usually involve me drinking on the sly until I’m panicked that I can’t stop. Often someone, last night it was my husband, leaves wine in my fridge and then leaves.
I think these dreams are helping me wash my mind of any straggling thoughts that I will be able to drink normally again. The absolute terror I feel after I’ve had a bottle of vodka, even a dream bottle, is something I need to never forget. I am so easily lost in the sheer volume of booze. By the end it took bottles and what felt like bats to achieve a buzz. There is no going back.
I am content here, in sobriety, today. And that’s all I can ask for.
Have a great Tuesday everyone.
Edited to add: